Spiderman Party Platform

We the people of Spiderman have decided to form the Spiderman Party because we don’t believe in the contention between the two parties.

Conservative: we believe in maintaining traditional American values, things like white picket fence families. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, and benevolent, like unto the founders of this country. We believe in not taking military action unless necessary and to stay out of other countries’ business, unless they start a war, than they should all die.

Liberal: We believe in amendments and laws that don’t contradict out conservative beliefs. We believe in Prohibition, and a change in direction our country is going with the use of drugs including tobacco. We believe that prisons should not be called “prisons” but they should be called, “Dwellings like unto outer darkness”.

Socialist: we believe that if the men in the Blue Man Group become the rulers of this nation, than our economy should be controlled by them. However if this is not the case than people should buy and sell as they please and that people should be allowed to have as much wealth as they can acquire.

Environmentalist: We believe in the Christian religion, and therefore we believe in the “second coming” of Jesus Christ, and therefore we believe that the world will be burned with fire at judgment day and end anyway, so therefore we don’t care about the environment and global warming.